As a parent, you would do anything to protect your child from getting hurt. Unfortunately, you can’t always stop the hurt from coming — so the next best thing is to be there for them when they are hurting. But what if they hide their pain? What if they don’t tell you?

This is often the case with children who are viewing pornography.

It is extremely common for kids to hide things — or refuse to talk about things, even when they are hurting. Sometimes times kids won’t talk, especially when they are hurting. However, the consequences of hiding their pain can have lasting consequences.

So many kids find themselves in a vicious cycle of craving, viewing porn and shame! They don’t know what to do, how they got there, or how to get out. And many of them are too embarrassed to speak up and ask for help.

Signs your child is viewing porn:

It’s impossible to be with our kids for every moment they spend online. Therefore, it is crucial that you watch for warning signs that your child is behaving in inappropriate behaviour online. Ask yourself the following seven questions to determine if your kid is exhibiting any warning signs.

1: What is the state of your child’s browsing history?

Check your child’s browsing history! But don’t be surprised if you don’t find anything. Likely, if your child is viewing porn – they’ll have googled how to hide it. However, an empty browsing history is a strong indicator that your child is doing something inappropriate online. One way to help you is to get an online filtering software that will allow you to view deleted browsing history.

2: When does your child use the internet?

No child needs to use the internet at night. Period. End of story. However, kids with mobile devices may find themselves browsing late at night. To combat this, again, a filtering software is key. There are some programs that allow you to disallow access to the internet at specific times.  Use this program to set a bedtime, and stick to it. Also, implement set amounts of screen time for each family member. Children who are constantly looking for ways to get around their set amount of screen time might be viewing porn.

3: Is your kid taking their device to the bathroom?

Porn isn’t necessarily the only reason a child would take their device to the bathroom, however, the bathroom does offer privacy and a locked door. Those factors make the bathroom an easy place to view pornography without raising suspicion. Gabe Deem (A recovered porn addict, and activist) says that he used to take 30-minute showers as a front. Instead, he would just run the water to disguise the fact that he was viewing porn on his laptop.

Be open and honest with your kids. Let them know that they need to use their devices out in the open — it’s for their safety! If your child is hiding their use of electronics, it could be a sign that they are viewing pornography.

4: Is your child quick to change what they’re doing online when you enter the room?

This is a likely sign that whatever they were looking at before was indecent. Investigate further. Ask your child pointed questions like: “What do you do when you’re online?” “Do you talk to people online that you haven’t met in real life?” “When did you last see pornography?”. Keep your tone neutral, and communicate with honesty and openness. Don’t tell them that “They’re on the computer too much.” to try and negate their usage. This will instead make their electronic usage a point of tension, and your child will likely shut down or shut you out.

5: Is your child shifting their behaviour suddenly?

If your child has been exposed to pornography, they will likely begin to lash out in a variety of ways. They may begin to have physical outbursts, like hitting or punching. They may begin to use ruder, and dirty language — often in reference to the opposite gender.

They may even act out sexually.

DO NOT IGNORE SUDDEN BEHAVIOUR CHANGES. Especially if they are negative or regressive. Even a subtle shift can indicate that your child is using porn. If you notice a change in your child, tell them. Ask them how they’re doing. Explain to them why their behaviour is inappropriate and what concerns you. And ask them if they’ve had any disturbing experiences online, or off.

6: Are they withdrawing?

Another sign that your child is engaging in porn usage is that they will begin to lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. Porn takes over the brain and makes the user dependent on it for stimulus — making everything else seem dull and uninteresting in comparison. Keep this in mind though, one of the BEST ways to overcome a porn addiction is to involve yourself in other interests and to strengthen outside relationships. Your child’s interests may change as they grow, but they should always be involved in something that connects them with others.

7: Are they exhibiting symptoms of depression?

If your child is constantly oversleeping, physically exhausted, or drastically changing their eating habits — they are silently crying out for help. These are signs of depression. While pornography is not nearly the only cause of depression in young people, it can be a contributing factor.

Children who search for porn are just a few clicks away from viewing the most unnatural, abusive, and sick portrayal of sex. These disturbing images often leave them feeling shocked, and confused. No matter how disgusting they feel afterward, they are compelled to look again and again. This cycle makes them feel trapped and alone.

Changing the cycle:

The embarrassment or fear a child feels about their porn usage often prevents them from seeking help. They might try to stop on their own, but if they fail (sometimes multiple times) they’ll wonder if its possible. They’ll start to feel unworthy.

If your child has developed that habit of using porn — they need you! There is hope, and you can help them along the path of recovery before they lose their identity and self-worth.

  • Acknowledge the issue.
  • Offer your unconditional love.
  • Facilitate and support treatment (if needed).
  • Validate your child’s worth, do not shame them.
  • Help them explore healthier ways to fill the emotional needs that porn is currently meeting.
  • Most importantly, keep talking!