Understanding and accepting that a relationship is over can be very difficult.

If you have just broken up with someone you might feel:

  • sad
  • angry
  • confused
  • lonely
  • empty
  • humiliated
  • like you’ll never find love again

It’s perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions.

Try to remember that you’re not alone — heartbreak is something we all experience. Just think of the thousands of songs and videos about broken hearts!

It’s normal to feel horrible if someone breaks up with you.

It can be especially hard if you were surprised by the break up. Many people get down on themselves and wonder what they did to cause the relationship to end. But you may not have done anything wrong. Relationships sometimes end because two people are growing differently or because their personalities clash.

It hurts to be dumped but it can also be upsetting if you are the one who has decided to end the relationship. A lot of people feel pressure to stay in a relationship that they want out of because they feel responsible for the other person’s feelings. Maybe you feel guilty or sorry for the other person. Maybe you know they will be devastated by the break up. Or worse, maybe the other person has threatened to hurt him or herself if you leave them. No one can be responsible for another person’s happiness. If you are in a relationship that you feel you can’t get out of try talking to someone you trust and who may be in a position to help.

There is no magic cure for a broken heart, but there are some things you can do to help you cope:

  • Keep busy. It can help to get involved in different activities and projects. Focusing on other things can help you move on with your life, meet new people and discover new interests.
  • Focus on your good qualities. It’s easy to feel discouraged and self-critical if your heart is broken. Try to remember your good points – are you a good friend or a talented athlete? Do you have nice eyes or a great smile? Try to be kind to yourself.
  • Give yourself time to heal. You won’t feel better overnight or in a few days – it may even take months. It’s normal to feel like you won’t ever get over it. Recovering from a break up isn’t easy so give yourself time.
  • Talk about it. Sharing your feelings with others can help you feel like you aren’t alone.
  • Write about it. Pouring your heart out on paper lets you express your emotions in a safe and private way. Teens who’ve tried it say it’s totally liberating.

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by strong emotions if you are going through a break up. If you find yourself trying to cope with your pain by abusing drugs or alcohol or thinking about hurting yourself it’s important to reach out for support to someone you trust. It may help to talk with a friend, a parent, or a counsellor at Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868). We are here for you 24 hours a day.