ARTICLES, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ADVICE. BEST DATING TIPS
The Betrayal of Cheating
Have you been cheated on?
There is a unique emotion that comes with being cheated on by the person that you love. It is a devastating (and potentially soul-crushing) event that can become consuming if not addressed healthily.
If you have found your trust betrayed exponentially, consider the following seven tips to try to move forward.
1) It doesn’t mean that you aren’t enough
I have been cheated on a handful of times, and I always find myself wondering why I wasn’t enough. It is easy to fall down a rabbit-hole after such a cruel betrayal. Why did your significant other choose somebody else over you?
I have been cheated on, yes. However, I have also been a cheater. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s helped me to confirm: their cheating likely isn’t about you.
Of course, you’ll hear of the circumstances of cheating after decades of marriage because they didn’t feel heard. However, nine times out of 10, their deception was just a selfish act fueled by weak communication and poor decision-making.
I know mine was.
Instead of asking yourself why you weren’t good enough, acknowledge why this RELATIONSHIP isn’t good enough. Why isn’t your connection fueling you to be a stronger and more confident person?
Your relationship shouldn’t take from you – it should add to you.
2) Take time to heal
Being cheated on SUCKS. Regardless of a healthy mindset and the will to move on, there is no minimizing how suck-y it is.
After the demise of any relationship, I encourage people to take time to heal. Take time to reclaim your power, confidence and independence. Take time to heal your wounds and see relationships with optimism again.
After a relationship crumbles, you’ll find prime time to soul-search. Is there any way you would like to improve for your next relationship? Are there things that you would like to bring to the table (that you haven’t before)? Take the time to become the best version of yourself. And whatever you do…
3) … don’t lose faith in people
Yeah, your ex treated you poorly. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking all men/women will treat you the same way.
Do the work on yourself to NOT be jaded. It’s easy to lose your trust in people, but it’s imperative that you don’t.
Similarly to the previous tip, take your time to heal – because that mistrust is natural. However, by the time you’re ready to get out there again, leave the betrayal in the past.
The best thing you can do for yourself – and potential partners – is to see things with an open mind.
4) Know your worth
Piggy-backing off of tip 1, KNOW YOUR WORTH. The cheating event, most likely, wasn’t about you at all.
In fact, the event says EVERYTHING about the cheater and NOTHING about the person that was cheated on.
As I said, I’ve been the cheater. When I look back now, I can’t fault any of my boyfriends for my poor behaviour. In fact, it had nothing to do with them at all. I cheated because I was insecure and selfish – nobody could have done anything to change that behaviour instead of me.
So please, KNOW YOUR WORTH and don’t let the poor decisions of a cheater alter how you see yourself.
5) Don’t give it power
Your past will have as much power over you as you let it. So, don’t give it power.
Don’t let a negative individual control your life. Don’t let a lousy memory derail who you are.
Take the time to heal, and then let yourself move forward. Let yourself be bigger and more powerful than somebody that is small enough to cheat on you.
6) Closure is bullsh*t
This is an unpopular opinion.
If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard somebody say, “I need closure”, then I could solve world hunger.
You do NOT need closure from somebody that hurt you. You should be so self-aware that you can give yourself that closure.
Sometimes, when you’re cheated on and disrespected by somebody, all the closure you need is: “They need to grow. I’ve outgrown them. I deserve more respect.”
Furthermore, if anybody I had cheated on asked WHY, I can promise you, I wouldn’t have given a satisfactory answer.
At the time, I was incapable of looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m selfish and insecure.” I couldn’t give closure.
7) See a therapist if you need
Mourning a relationship and rebuilding after being betrayed is a complicated process. If you find you’re unable to do this on your own, then that’s okay! If you are unable to heal on your own, then talk to a professional!
We are so lucky to have resources available when things get too hard to bear – so take the time to go talk it out.
The breakdown of a relationship and the rebuild of trust is nasty, painful and long. That betrayal is excruciating, and you deserve to take the time you need to heal from it.
Keep the faith in other people, and keep the confidence that you can come out from it even stronger!
Written by Celina Dawdy